INTRODUCTION
There are many decisions in life that everyone of us is faced with that have the potential to completely alter one’s life experience. One is about where one will spend eternity after this life and the other one is about who one marries. These two decisions require careful consideration. Once we decide where we will spend eternity and who we must marry, these two decisions automatically impact how we live and experience life. It is important that one takes time to understand how to choose the right/compatible spouse. The question now is how do you choose the right/compatible spouse? This is a question that most young people struggle with and rightly so, I did struggle with this too. In this article and the next we discuss the process from the biblical point of view, beginning with how Adam chose Eve, right through to how the Apostle Paul instructed us to do it. This article will be in two parts.
IN THE BEGINNING
In Genesis 2:21 KJV, we have a story of how the first man (Adam) met his spouse (Eve). ‘And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man’ (Genesis 2:21-22). In this scriptural story God made the first man’s spouse by causing the man to go into a ‘deep sleep’ (Genesis 2:21) thereby shutting down all the man’s senses. The man had no sense of sight, feeling or emotion, in other words he was completely absent when God was picking what would be his spouse from his body. This absence is significant because it demonstrates a lack of care, worry and anxiety on the part of Adam regarding the choosing of a spouse because God carried this care for him. The bible in 1Peter 5:7 KJV says ‘casting all care upon him; for he careth for you’. God wants us to cast all our cares, worries, anxieties, the what if’s of finding our spouse upon him because he cares for us and wants to take care of all our businesses including finding a suitable help meet (Spouse). This story describes how the first man (Adam) found his spouse Eve. How did the first woman (Eve) find her spouse (Adam)? In Genesis 2:20 KJV the scripture says, ‘but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him’. Adamwas sensitised about his need. He was aware that he needed something or someone to connect with other than all the animals he had just finished naming (Genesis 2:19-20). However, Eve was unaware. As a matter of fact, she never even existed at this point. She had no needs, wants or desires at this point. Genesis 2: 22 says that ‘And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man’. Evedid not find the man, she was brought to the man. The current generation of girls and young ladies encourage each other to go out and find/choose men to marry. They say among themselves that there is nothing wrong for a woman to find and choose a man to propose marriage to. Yes, there may not be anything wrong with that, but it is not the order of God from the beginning as we have just established (Genesis 2:21-22). This is God’s order: he made Adam aware of his need for a help meet or companion. Adam had just been given a task/work of naming all the animals and yet still felt alone. Yet the same God had a plan and knew exactly where that help meet was going to come from. After he made Eve, he brought her to Adam to meet him. God was meeting Adam’s needs of companionship and help by bringing/making Eve. Therefore, the first step to choosing a spouse for a man is to realise the need for a spouse (Genesis 2:20). The second step is to pray and ask God to bring this person or spouse to him (Genesis 2:22). The first step for a woman in choosing her spouse is to pray and ask God to take her to her man, ‘and God brought her unto the man’ (Genesis 2:22). In both cases, the common thing that both a man and woman must do in choosing a spouse is to PRAY. In the next issue, we are going to discuss active looking and searching for a spouse by a man. God will bring the spouse to the man but unlike Adam in the beginning, the man will have to be actively looking and praying. Man, if you allow God to bring your spouse to you, God will bring a spouse that will complete you and not compete with you. Lady, if you allow God to take you or lead you to your spouse, God will take you to a spouse you are going to complete and not compete with. The result of allowing God in this process is that when both of you meet, the man like Adam, will be able to say, ‘this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’ (Genesis 2:23). You will both know and say, ‘this is the Lord’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes’ (Psalm 118:23, Mark 12:11). In other words, you will be convinced that you have found each other.
CONCLUSION
What we have been looking at is how the first couple in the beginning met. At this point there was only one man and one woman. One may say that it is easier to choose a spouse when it is only the two of you available to choose from as was the case in the beginning but now there are thousands upon thousands of men and women to choose from. How do I choose my spouse from thousands upon thousands of potential spouses, and is there only one specific person for me? What we have looked at is God’s design for finding and knowing your spouse. In the next issue we are going to look at another Bible story on how another man found and chose his spouse from thousands upon thousands of women. We shall also see how God brought his spouse to him like in the case of Adam. This story will be key in helping us understand how we can apply God’s principles and design from the beginning to our present age on how to choose a spouse. Look out for the next article on how to choose a spouse part two.