INTRODUCTION
In part 1 of How to Find a Spouse article, we began by saying that the second most important
decision you can make in life after your salvation is who you find to marry. The person you find to
marry can affect the rest of your life. They can bring improvement or imprisonment. They can make
you or break you, bring the best or the worst out of you. They can make you better or bitter.
Researchers and Psychologists say that if someone marries a wrong person, the quality of their life
reduces by 62%. People who could have attained higher heights fail to do so and those people that
could have been average end up achieving extraordinary results because of the people they find and
decide to marry. Therefore, finding a person to marry is such an important decision to make and
should not be taken lightly. It is very important to be clear about the reasons for wanting to marry,
and for wanting to marry a particular person.
THE STORY OF ISAAC AND REBEKAH
In Genesis 24-1:67 NKJV, there is a story of how one man found his spouse. There are some lessons
in this Bible story that are relevant to us in our time and that can be applied to our own lives when it
comes to looking and finding a potential life partner. It must be mentioned though that the context
here is the Jewish culture, but the lessons transcend culture and time.
The first thing we see in the story is that the father (Abraham) instructs one of his senior aides to
help him pick a wife for his first-born Son. He says to him ‘swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and
the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites,
among whom I dwell; but you shall go to my country and to my family and take a wife for my son
Isaac’ (Genesis 24-3:4 NKJV). Why did Abraham instruct his aide to go to his country and to his family
to find a spouse for his son? Isaac’s father Abraham wanted his son to marry a woman that believed
in the same God as his and had the same culture and traditions as his. The Canaanite women were
idol worshippers, they did not know and worship the God of Abraham and their traditions and
culture were fundamentally different to Abraham and his son’s. This is important because the
person you marry can affect every aspect of your life including your faith.
Notice here that before there is any mention of love, the first decision to be made was where to look
for a spouse. Did you know that you can fall in love with any person of the opposite sex regardless?
If you are looking for a spouse, what is your first consideration? Where are you looking. Do you
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need to go back to where you came from to look for a spouse if you live among foreigners? Have you
considered your faith? What about your culture and traditions? Some people set themselves up to
have challenges in their marriages because they do not take careful consideration of these matters.
If you are looking for a spouse in wrong places, chances are that you will find a wrong person. If you
are looking for a spouse in bars, pubs and night clubs, you will find a partying spouse. What about
the internet, will let you decide? The guidance for a child of God is in 2 Corinthians 6:14 ‘Do not be
unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?
And what communion has light with darkness?’. As a Christian and a child of God, this is your
demographic for your search (your country and family).
In this story, a parent (Abraham) is involved in the process of looking for a spouse for his son to
marry. This is not an arranged marriage, neither is the father choosing his son’s spouse. What the
father does here is that he provides guidance for where to look for a spouse bearing in mind their
faith, values, culture, tradition and what God has spoken to them about His plans for the family. The
selection of Rebekah as a fitting match for Isaac also involved asking for God’s guidance and help. It
is a man’s responsibility to find their spouse. ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains
favour from the Lord’, according to Proverbs 18-22 NKJV. However, do not despise the wisdom of
the parents and the elders in guiding you through the process of selecting your spouse. The age and
experience can provide valuable insight in helping make the right choice because some of them have
walked this same path before. Their wisdom can help prevent unnecessary mistakes or spot the
perfect match for you. So do not think that you must make the choice by yourself, ask and listen to
some of their wisdom. Pray and ask God also to help you find your spouse. Abraham’s (Isaac’s
father) servant did, ‘O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show
kindness to my master Abraham’ (Genesis 24-12). He also put some conditions before the Lord and
the Lord answered him and showed him the right person. You too will be shown the right person.
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THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR IN YOUR SPOUSE TO BE.
Take time also to know them and look out for the following as you interact with them during your
dating and subsequent courting period before you finally make a marriage commitment. Have the
courage not to proceed if you do not feel that they are a right fit for you. It is better to break a
dating/courtship relationship than it is to break a marriage.
Faith and Belief:
Do they have an active faith and belief in God or are they just religious? Pay attention to what they
say and do. 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 NKJV
Honour:
Are they honourable? Do they honour and respect their parents? Listen to what they say about their
parents. Ephesians 6:2 NKJV
Life purpose compatibility:
Do you have the same purpose and goals in life – Amos 3:3 NLT.
Emotional health:
Are they hot tempered? Proverbs 22:24 NIV
Do they have an addiction? Proverbs 23:20 ERV
Are they bitter? Hebrews 12:15 ESV
Are they selfish or Greedy? Proverbs 28:25 NLT.
CONCLUSION:
Marriage is a gift from God and done well can have tremendous benefits for the people involved but
done poorly and poor choice of spouse, it can be hell on earth. It is our prayer that God will help you
find a partner that is compatible and right for you.